From Birthday to Breakthrough: A Silent Retreat with a Russian Pilgrim

Stealing Away After the Work

Last weekend, I celebrated my birthday with an overnight retreat at Iona House in Placerville, California. It was an intentional time of quiet walks, fresh air, and reading needed to reset after the joy and intensity of the Rhythms of Repair Workshop the week before. I was reminded again of the necessity of retreat: not only as preparation before ministry assignments, but also as restoration after them. This rhythm mirrors the life of our Lord, who often withdrew to quiet places even after ministering to the crowds.

I wanted to lean into the practice of stealing away. One I  too often neglect to see how I might be shaped by the reprieve. The added gift of celebrating my birthday in this way made the retreat feel especially tender and sacred.

Held in Hospitality

Iona House was everything I could have asked for and more. I experienced fasting and feasting, solitude and community. I was held in hospitality and loving friendship. I encountered the rare and sacred gift of being fully known and gently tended to.

Arriving Without an Agenda

I arrived with no agenda. I brought a few books, my Bible, and a journal, trusting that whatever needed my attention would emerge in time. As I often encourage others, I resisted the anxiety of planning every hour, choosing instead to trust God’s direction.

At one point, I found myself lamenting, I wish I had two nights here. And quietly, gently, the Spirit whispered: “At that very hour.”

At That Very Hour

I was reminded of the Gospels.

“At that very hour Jesus healed many people of their diseases and afflictions and evil spirits, and gave sight to many who were blind.”
(Luke 7:21)

And again:

“Then Jesus said to the centurion, ‘Go; let it be done for you as you have believed.’ And the servant was healed at that very hour.”
(Matthew 8:13)

I was comforted by the assurance that God’s mercy is not constrained by time. He did not need two nights to prepare my heart. He could do whatever was needful at that very hour. This truth freed me from the subtle pressure of performative spirituality. That frantic attempt to “make kingdom come,” to manufacture a mystical experience that would justify the retreat. Instead, I rested.

Unexpected Spiritual Companions

During my stay, I wandered into the campus library and was drawn to two small books. One offered short excerpts from Thomas Merton. The other was a seven-day retreat guide that immediately caught my attention.

Unexpectedly, my retreat directors became Brother Lawrence and the Russian Pilgrim.

I was familiar with Brother Lawrence and his Carmelite spirituality of practicing the presence of God. The Russian Pilgrim, however, was a new companion. His journey centers on a single command from the Apostle Paul: “Pray without ceasing.”

Learning to Pray Without Ceasing

For the remainder of my time at Iona House, I gave myself to meditating on this invitation. Reading slowly, lingering, and allowing its wisdom to move from concept to practice.

I read that praying ceaselessly is “an interior movement of the spirit toward God, a mindfulness of God’s constant presence…a stretching of the soul toward the divine.” I wondered how the Carmelite simplicity of Brother Lawrence and the Orthodox hesychasm of the Russian Pilgrim might converge into a unified wisdom on prayer.

To pray always, I learned, is literally translated as to come to rest. The Lord was inviting me away from distraction and into attentive silence—to remain with Him until prayer settled into stillness.

I took up my pen and wrote:

Lord, You are calling me to pray like I have never prayed before.
To attend to the silence.
To practice what it really means to hear You.
To move from study to love.
Take me to the depths of Your love.
Let me drink from Your living well.

A God-Hungry Soul

My final hours at Iona House were not wasted. A quiet walk on the trail with coffee in hand. Worship music playing softly as I packed. More reading. Psalm 42 returned to me with fresh clarity: our thirst would not exist if there were not living waters to quench it. We were made for such waters.

My God-hungry soul is restless for the rest found only in Him.

The Jesus Prayer and the Work of Repair 

Since returning home, I’ve been listening to the Russian Pilgrim’s autobiography, The Way of a Pilgrim. It’s a spiritual classic describing his journey across the countryside practicing the Jesus Prayer:

“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

Repeated slowly, attentively, and without striving, this prayer becomes less something we say and more a posture we inhabit. It trains the heart toward humility, presence, and rest. Over time, the prayer begins to pray us.

This is the work of Rhythms of Repair. Not doing more for God, but consenting to be re-formed by His presence. Repair happens when we release performance, return to the body, and allow prayer to descend from the mind into the heart. It is the healing of attention. The restoration of trust. The quiet undoing of hurry.

Iona House impressed upon me a renewed longing for prayer, a desire for a heart continually attuned to God, and a gentle invitation to become a student of hesychasm (the practice of restful silence), where prayer is no longer an activity but a place of abiding.

At that very hour, God met me there.

Reflection Invitation

A scripture to read: Psalm 42

A playlist to listen to: Rhythms of Repair Playlist

A date to set: March 27-28, Rhythms of Repair Retreat

A prayer to pray: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”